SHOPPING AROUND IN VALENCIA:

CHEZ RAMON

            Valencia’s ‘Mercado Redondo’ (Round Market) is a popular place for souvenir-seeking tourists and Valencians with an inclination towards haberdashery. It used to have a song bird market on Sundays before bird flu.

Ramon Gimeno’s great grandmother used to export onions to Britain until trading restrictions bankrupted her business and she had to try her hand at something else. She decided to move from her native village of Albuixech and open a shop in Valencia. That was in 1853 and today her great grandson Ramon and three of his five children are still cornering a sizeable part of the Round Market (yes, I know that sounds terrible) with their shop, which is really a series of shops, as they have expanded over the years, selling an incredible array of furniture and artisan, hand-made ceramics and cast-iron works.

To walk through the shop is to be carried back to a different era when a key could also be a serious weapon and people needed weather vanes to know which way the wind blows.

On all sides there are telescopes, plant pots, mirrors, fountains, magazine racks, religious icons, milk churns, BBQs, letter boxes, chimneys, poker sets, brass bedsteads, clothes pegs, baskets and chimneys.

Nearly all of this is made by traditional Valencian companies although Ramon admitted that the best chimneys come from Belgium.

As we spoke, English and German tourists came and went, buying little and Ramon pointed out that tourists were not really his market; that it was the owners of local villas (mostly Spanish) who came to buy his wares, and that those who took his products abroad were mostly Spaniards living abroad who wanted to remember something typical from home.

For the ladies there was a whole shop window full of traditional iron irons and a basket full of those large keys that have become popular as a cure for snoring if placed under a husband’s pillow.

Ramon, semi-retired now, sits outside and lets his children get on with it, content to chatter with anyone who feels like it and to reflect on how times have changed since 1853, not always for the better.

PLAZA REDONDA SUNDAY MARKET

On Sundays the little shops that on weekdays sell lace and needlework-related products pull down their shutters and Valencia’s emblematic ‘Round Square’ (if you see what I mean) becomes a flea-market which, although it was once teaming with birdlife in cages, is now an interesting mix of old and new.

The round square (maybe I should call it a circus but that suggests traffic to me and this is a pedestrian area with a diameter of only 37 metres) was built in 1840 by Salvador Escrig and a fountain was installed in the middle 10 years later.

The ground floor is taken up by shops and bars whereas the other three floors are given over to 34 dwellings of a humble nature which will soon be reformed by the Town Hall, hopefully with as much class as was the case with the Colon Market, although if that occurs, I imagine the present residents won’t be able to afford to live there.

The only birds left on sale are in a single pet shop, the others having paid the price of the bird flu scare, although there still appears to be a market for empty cages which fill up the central part of the square (circle).

Other stalls include one selling old posters and photos, dealing with events such as the Fallas of 1947 or the flood of 1957.

There are also leather goods, pet accessories, Heavy Metal T-shirts and one lengthy stall selling cassettes and CDs through a time warp, where there appears to be nothing that is not pre-1960 Spanish; so if you like Rumba, Zarzuela and Flamenco sung by men in wide-brimmed haps and skin-tight trousers (which I do) you’ll feel at home.

The usual stalls run by immigrants selling African memorabilia, jewellery and cheap alarm clocks and watches also put in an appearance, and you can buy plenty of tacky fans, aprons and Spanish folkloric accessories such as toy bulls and flamenco dresses, but there is also room for the occasional eccentric no-hoper selling art books.

Although the birds all flu away (one hopes) there is a rather fetching little dog that people go out of their way to pet and spoil, lying peacefully among the empty bird cages. Maybe he just ate the whole lot and all that stuff about bird flu is a cover up.

IMÁGENES

  When I was young, handsome and virile I used to spend most of my time lying on my bed reading about the exploits of The Silver Surfer, a blind, manic depressive, silver-coated comic hero who travelled the Universe hating humanity. Now that I’ve grown up I have no time to waste on such things and dedicate my time to fruitful preoccupations such as my mortgage, curtain fabrics and trying to work out why my children spend more of my money on clothes than I spend on food, gas, electricity and clothes.

Vicente, whose interest in comics began when he was 14, is one of those lucky people whose childhood passion has become his business. He and his wife own two shops called Imágenes. Both are near the main railway station; the newer of the two in Calle Pelayo 18 concentrates on comics while the original one, opened 16 years ago in Calle Ruzafa 14, also offers a wider range of products related to the world of comics and fantasy.

As we spoke my eyes wandered to the Star Wars version of Monopoly, the frightening masks, greeting cards, toy figures, books, Darth Vader swords and my personal favourite, the dragon lamp priced at a mere 495 euros.

Vicente had just returned from a trade fair in Frankfurt to catch up on what is in fact a vast, international business; the merchandise of fantasy, and he frequently visits such fairs all over Europe and Spain, despite speaking no English; although he assured me that his younger shop assistants do; which is just as well as several of the books he sells are in English.

I asked if the increase in fantasy films had increased his business over the years but it seems that the clients at this kind of shop are sturdy veterans, unaffected by whether ‘The Fantastic Four’ or ‘Lord of the Rings’ are currently in vogue.

According to Vicente there are plans to open a new shop in the near future; perhaps as the world spirals out of control and Armageddon beckons, it’s still nice to know that the Silver Surfer is still out there, riding the waves of the cosmos, stoically unsurprised and unimpressed by the madness going on down here below.

ABANICOS CARBONELL

A Message for all my Fans!

Five generations of the Carbonell family have sold fans from this shop since it was opened in 1940, although the company itself was founded in 1860. Of course you could go round the corner and buy a ‘genuine’ Spanish fan imported from China at a fraction of the price, but if you want the real thing, then this is the place to go.

Despite the passing of time, and the difficulties of finding the original materials with which artisans have been making this economical alternative to air conditioning for ages, you can still find the genuine product here.

Traditionally the wood of the pear tree has always been considered the best, and although you can find cheap, printed fans with synthetic materials here for a euro, you will look a lot snazzier wafting a hand-painted fan made with silk, ebony, mother of pearl or ivory, for which it is possible to pay as much as 10,000 euros!

The youngest generation of the Carbonell family is Paula, who can serve you in English should you wish, having studied for several years at the British Council, which used to be just around the corner until it moved away from the city centre.

Summer time is obviously the season when people start thinking about fans, although any self-respecting ‘Fallera’ would be considered naked without this vital accessories, and in general a lot of people buy fans in order to look good at local festivals such as the Hogueras of Alicante.

Young girls should remember that looking at a man over the edge of your fan is considered one of the few genuinely erotic experiences still available in the 21^st century.

Fashions change of course and every year there are new, more modern designs, but it is the old favourites that fan fans always come back to.

Their web-site is well worth a visit, containing photos and historical information. The English version is excellent and in it Paula’s father Guillermo invites you to see his private collection of fans dating back to the 18^th century, should you want to have an authentic copy made. You can also discover there that fans were first used in Egypt and Persia in 700 BC, but reached Spain from Europe in the XV century. It is in Valencia in fact where the first references to fans were found, dated 1429.

Abanicos Carbonell also sells umbrellas, purses and similar products and can be found behind the bullring (a good place to break in a fan) at C/ Castellón 21.

ALE HOP

When I first saw the name of this shop I supposed that it sold those home-brewing kits that students used to believe were the proper use for a linen cupboard back in the good old days when a daily shower was rain and fridges contained a wide variety of living fauna.

It turns out though that it stands for the kind of shout that lion tamers make when urging a lion through a flaming hoop.

Ale Hop is a chain of gift shops situated mostly along the Mediterranean coast and specialising in presents for stag and hen parties. For this reason you can find a sheath for vibrators under the subtle name of ‘Willy’, or a mouse for your computer that insinuates a good time.

On a more sensible note you can find a wide selection of original items that become vitally important at Christmas time when looking for that elusive last minute present for the wife who has everything (or even your own wife!)

This is a shop that can sell you toys made out of wood and tin just like in the old days when a bicycle bell was considered the latest in high tech; or even a table lighter in the form of Rubrik’s Cube or a billiard ball.

If you urgently need a framed photo of Elvis or Marilyn, a model of a Massai warrior or an indoor mini-fountain with moving parts, then look no further.

A good seller, so I was told, are the curious metallic figures that look as if they’ve been made up from spare parts. Among the selection are motorbikes, fishermen, saxophone players, ballerinas and robot mountain climbers (you mean you haven’t got one!)

There is an interesting foot massage board with detailed, esoteric information about that under-rated adhesion to the sturdy leg, and highly original psychedelic dustpan and brush sets for clearing up parties while suffering from a hangover.

There are also psychedelic piggy banks, although, should you prefer, you can choose a cow, cat or donkey instead.

And as for the Dalmatian tea set, well, one is no-one if one hasn’t got one dahling!

Clocks, cushions, antique cars, candles, chimes and a few things that don’t begin with the letter C; the list is finite but pretty good anyway. And if you’re into catalogues then this one is actually worth having. Fifty percent of it is given over to tasteful photographs and philosophical quotes by the likes of Bertrand Russell, Aristotle, Galileo, Mark Twain, Newton and others, which leave you grasping for the meaning of life but making do with a sheath called Willy.

Well, we can’t all be geniuses, can we?

Ale Hop’s range of goods can be viewed in the comfort of your own home on www.ale-hop.net

CACAO SAMPAKA

When I was young I used to believe that chocolate came from the corner shop; later I realised it came from a small town near Birmingham. Only this week did I find out that it comes from Sampaka.

Sampaka was an old cocoa plantation in Equatorial Guinea that has given its name to a group of four shops in Catalonia, Madrid and Valencia, where they promote and sell chocolate-related products of high quality and at the same time aim to educate the public about this singular product, discovered and named by South American Indians and sold now in its many imaginative forms in an elegant shop just by the Colon Market, Valencia’s answer to Covent Garden.

The shop, incorporating a small cafeteria has been tastefully designed by an award-winning architect Toní Artola and with its shades of green, cream and brown, provides a relaxing environment for a light lunch and an opportunity to try or buy some serious chocolate.

To begin with there are the eight special selections, each with a theme including dried fruits and nuts, spices, flowers and herbs, liqueurs, fruits and preserves and, most daring of all: gastronomic innovations such as anchovies and hazelnut, parmesan cheese, balsamic vinegar or smoked. This is not a ‘Smartie’ shop (although they sell them too: discretely in a plain wrapper!)

The leaflets explaining these choices are in English. There are other leaflets in Spanish explaining the history and the elaboration of the cocoa tree.Furthermore, if you want to make your own selection, you can do so.

You can also buy plain chocolate and use your own percentage, from 31% pure to 100. The country of origin of each chocolate is given and exotic names such as Grenada, Ivory Coast, Madagascar or Ecuador are complemented by pictures of these places on the walls.

At Christmas they do a lot of trade in baskets full of a variety of chocolates for companies or individuals. They also sell some of the kitchen utensils used by serious chefs in the elaboration of chocolate-based desserts.

Spain’s (and the world’s) best cook, the Girona-based Ferran Adriá was involved with setting up the group in Barcelona, and Rosa Domenech, formerly a chemist, her husband and daughter first got the idea when they visited there. Unlike most franchises they had to persuade the organisers to expand, as the emphasis was on quality not quantity and the franchise was set up by people who were truly interested in chocolate rather than people looking for a quick buck.

Consequently, the Domenech family had to wait for two years before their shop, and the one in Madrid, could become operational.

The result is a tasteful shop and meeting place with a conservatory-like café overshadowed by a large tree in an interior patio, where people pop in for a quiet moment to enjoy the atmosphere and perhaps experiment with the different chocolates on offer accompanied by selected wines or champagne, or to have a light snack or lunch.

Before I left they insisted that I try some of their exquisite produce, to which I succumbed, on condition that they don’t tell my wife where the shop is; it could be our ruin. I strongly recommend the curry flavoured chocolate, although the violet flavour is also surprising.

Cacao Sampaka is in Conde de Salvatierra, 19. Please don’t tell my wife!

MERCADO DE COLON

The old Anglo Saxon word for market was “ceap”, from which we get the word ‘cheap’. Colon Market is anything but cheap and is a fairly successful attempt to “do a Covent Garden”.

The original building, finished in 1916, was an Art Nouveau homage by Francisco Mora to Catalonian architects such as Gaudí. Its style, with ornate brick facades and a soaring iron and glass vault has been compared to St Pancras station in London.

In 1985 the fruit and vegetable market was closed and a rebuilding project took place which included three levels of underground parking and a two floor covered shopping area, conserving the exterior façades of the old market.

The downstairs area is largely dominated by the omnipresent Corte Inglés book, music and sunglasses section as well as a few specialised food stalls selling cheeses, wines, hams and fish.

Upstairs there are cafés where you can sit outside but with the impressive girders towering over your head and mix with the elegant and chic shoppers or business people willing to pay the extra prices that go with the privileged surroundings.

There are also a couple of flower stalls where you might come across Cockney Barrow girls in need of Pygmalion, and specialist chocolate and delicatessen shops.

If you have time to spare you can also buy a newspaper or watch the kids fall off a couple of mini roundabouts or contract the services of a professional photographer who is never there but has a place anyway.

I can’t imagine the shops sell very much, maybe they get a tourism subsidy to stay open, but the relaxed atmosphere so near the city centre and in an area with some fairly interesting shops makes it a good place to waste a bit of time between pressing engagements.

They also organise the occasional concert or cultural event and there’s a restaurant nestled up in the rafters reached by a lift, although I’ve never seen anybody go in.

Although it’s called Colon Market, it isn’t in Calle Colon but in Cirilo Amoros, a street that runs parallel to and between Colon and Gran Via Marques de Turia.

DOCTOR COGOLLO

I had expected thick smoke and heavy casualties; I had expected crazed faces and people rushing up to me asking if I’d seen their navels. I had expected hippy paradise. What I hadn’t expected was the Intensive Care Unit. And yet that was the closest comparison I could find to describe Doctor Cogollo, a shop dedicated to cannabis.

As the sign over the counter points out, possession of cannabis seeds is not illegal; possession and cultivation of the plants is. At which point a seed becomes a plant is of course a matter for wise men and judges to ponder over.

The comparison with an ICU is due to the throbbing noise of a water pump which sounds like an iron lung. The lights are low but only so you’ll notice how effective are the lamps with which you may exercise your illegal right to choose to grow cannabis plants.

But Doctor Cogollo only sells you the means, not the end; in the same way that in America you can buy sub-machine guns but if you choose to fire them at people then that’s your business.

But the comparison is odious, because it turns out that many of the customers are in fact people suffering from illnesses such as cancer, who are looking for the relief that cannabis can give. In Barcelona this is now legal.

The paraphernalia on sale is mind-boggling; from all the growing materials including tents, lamps, fertilisers and seeds (imported exclusively from Holland). There are also hookah pipes in all shapes and colours, and the usual display of t-shirts, books, boxes, candles, incense and sweets bearing the cannabis symbol, but don’t waste your time; I sucked my way through a whole packet without a single hit.

The shop is full of plants, but if you smoke (sorry, search) carefully you’ll not discover a single cannabis plant among them, except the plastic ones.

There were also a couple of yellow submarines from the Beatles’ film (did I miss something?)

Doctor Cogollo has been doing business for 8 years now to customers of all ages over 18. It is situated in the multi-ethnic Ruzafa neighbourhood of Valencia at Calle Cadiz 39. Of course, I’m only giving you the address, what you do with it is a matter between you and your lawyers.

YUSTE ARTESANIA

The slogan of Yuste Artesania is “an infinity of curiosities”; and once you walk inside from the square (Plaza Milagro Mocaoret 5, just off Plaza de la Reina), you will find an old fashioned family business trying to maintain traditional artisanship while admittedly relying heavily on tourists to keep it going.

The business was started 40 years ago by Enrique Yuste and is carried on today by his son of the same name. His job consisted of decorating houses and he started to collect some of the materials being thrown out during the works, and to realise that these materials were worthy of restoration and reproduction.

The speciality of the shop is the “Socarrat”, a fired mud brick that was used to fill the spaces between wooden roof beams. These bricks are now reproduced with the original 15^th century designs, ranging from human figures, mythical beasts and geometrical patterns to floral and plant motifs.

The techniques used at Yuste to produce these pieces are the same as were used 600 years ago.

Also on display are a range of hand-painted ceramics from traditional to modern designs, and it is young Emilio’s mother who has always been the painter in the family. Emilio himself concentrates largely on picture frames in his backroom workshop using the best varieties of wood, while his sister deals with customers.

They also sell tiles, tiled mirrors and a smaller range of badges, ear-rings, plates, jugs, salt and pepper sets, antique door knockers and ceramic spoons and clocks aimed largely at the tourist market.

This compromise doesn’t however cause them to forget their roots; the founder of the business was awarded the Medal of Distinguished Artisans in 1970 and exhibited in Valencia’s famous Ceramic Museum, as well as attending Trade Fairs in cities such as Munich.

As Emilio pointed out, people don’t seem to appreciate quality anymore and the artisan is a dying professional, despite which it is an attractive and creative job for those prepared to work at it.

They also take orders, the most curious of which was when someone brought in a slab from a prehistoric cave painting and asked for it to be framed!

Telephone: 630373603.

ARQCO

I can understand that some people might not find stationary exciting, after all stationary implies lack of movement; and yet, those of us who spend half a lifetime shuffling pencils and counting paperclips (anything in fact to put off actually doing some work) feel a fascination bordering on fetish for these matters.

It is deeply satisfying therefore, to find a shop that takes stationary seriously. And it is not surprising, as ARQCO is not a Roman standard but the shop of the Co-operative of architects, a place where the likes of top Valencian architect Santiago Calatrava go when they run out of pencils or Post-its.

The shop has been serving its architect and draughtsperson members, as well as the general public, for 16 years now, and is the kind of place where you can find the kind of stuff that other shops stock, but never all in the same place.

There is something indescribably sensual about a box set of Faber-Castell pencils; they even smell good (not that I am a secret pencil sniffer I’ll have you know), and they are decidedly classy.

And if it’s class you’re looking for then look no further than a fountain pen; you can buy all the classic makes here, and even spare nibs (not something many people can boast about).

You can get leather briefcases, clocks, paperweights shaped like multi-coloured elephants, bins galore, notebooks in all sizes, wallets, and there is also IT material such as ink cartridges, as well as office furniture available by catalogue.

The book section is also worth a look as many of the books are in English and could perform most selectively and meaningfully upon a coffee table without the monstrous effort of having to actually open them.

Titles such as ‘Luxury Houses’, ‘New Scandinavian Design’, ‘Luxury Airline Design’, or even ‘Designing Public Toilets’ are just waiting there to light up your living room and give you an aura of unsuspected depth among your friends.

And whoever said pencil manufacturers had no sense of humour; the slogan for the Creta Colour range is “Draw Your Attention to Quality”; and how often do you get a laugh from a pencil these days?

ARQCO is in Calle Hernán Cortés 19

ARTIKEL

Walking into Artikel is like walking into a Rousseau painting, but one with nice modern music. Here you can buy the kind of objects that no serious fantasist should be without.

To begin with they have a wide range of plastic flowers and fruit, but not daffs or naffs; here you could decorate a Tarzan film-set.

The bamboo birdcage lamps were empty, possibly because Tweetie got singed, but the wrought iron CD holders on wheels were full, and the paper windmill iron candle-sticks just invite a good solid wick.

Africa seems to be in vogue so you can get a tray that doubles as a Zulu shield when the assegais fly or a model giraffe apparently designed by Modigliani.

The crockery, cutlery and glassware section covers most tastes and some of the wine decanters could easily double up as extravagant vases, as could the vases double up as decanters.

There’s a doormat which commands you to be ‘silent!’ as there is a ‘student!’ in the house and a series of mini portable fridges for the man who must have a cocktail on his picnic; they also do really neat picnic baskets with all the accoutrements, and similar sets with tool sets for gardeners (hoe, hoe, hoe!)

The feather dusters look as if they were made from exotic birds of prey, so don’t be surprised if seriously unhappy eagles turn up on your balcony while you’re redistributing the dust.

In fact the place invites some serious browsing, especially if you could be tempted to hang your coat on a monkey’s tail as a row of them offer you their bottoms.

Who could resist?

They also do a range of miniature games such as snooker tables or roulette wheels the size of your hand, and gift sets with, for example, a brandy flask and stopwatch for sporty types.

Artikel is in C/ Isabel la Católica, 9, near Colon Market. They also have a shop in Alicante, C/ Portal de Elche, 8.

 BUDDHA

This is the kind of shop I like; when you walk past it’s just a blurred blare of colours and shapes, and then when you look closely you can make out the tormented soul of the owner, who doesn’t know whether to plump for expensive good taste, or just tat.

Timepieces are not lacking and come in all shapes and sizes, including Louis Quinze (whatever that is). Brass swans splash about in imaginary water, an effect caused, at least in my head, by the large quantity of crystal, much of which imprisons objects in frozen time, objects such as ships, or dolphins, or love birds or flowers.

Onyx abounds, galloping across the savannah (or maybe that’s Oryx; I always mix them up). Either way, onyx is one of my favourite words, verging on a pre-vocal grunt. Anyway, if you share this passion then your onyx can be sold to you as a chess set, a tortoise or an egg.

Failing that you can buy a tasteful pair of gramophone player bookends, an egg on a plinth, a glass dolphin in mid-leap, or a carved ivory tusk (aren’t they supposed to be illegal?)

Carved wooden fish, a cat made of cork and steel, Massai warriors looking grumpy and of course Buddhas in all shapes and sizes and, not to limit the market, a transparent Christ crucified.

When grapes are out of season (if such a thing can happen in the global village) they are available in bunches of jade, quartz and agate.

A solitary knight stands in full pint-size armour (although it may be décor rather than product, a bit like the fire extinguisher at a modern art museum, where you’re not sure if it’s making a statement or not) competing with a plethora of Samurai warriors in advances stages of leaping and slicing, while for the quieter moments there are chopstick sets and hip flasks.

‘Buddha’ has three ample, ‘illuminated’ shop windows, being on a corner, and as you move round to the right, tasteful turns tacky and you come across Bart Simpson key rings, Fallas figurines that look dated even for Fallas, and a clock shaped like a pineapple which doesn’t look much like a pineapple and is too offensive even to be shoved behind a sofa.

There are all kinds of wooden and gem-encrusted boxes, which may be for lost buttons or may be for snuff. There are Chinese vases and urns that could be Ming but are more likely Bing and play White Christmas when you open them, and next to the urns a series of ashtrays, which might reveal a macabre sense of humour on the owner’s part, but probably doesn’t.

Buddha is near the Central Market on the corner of C/ Madre de Deu de Gracia and Avenida Baron de Carcér, although as any Buddhists knows, life is an illusion.

CASA DE LOS CARAMELOS

Even though politicians frequently behave like little children, it’s not often that you find a sweet shop at the centre of a political storm, and yet, as my Valencian friends often say: “Spain is different, and Valencia is differenter”.

In their feverish desire to increase the number of parasites (sorry, elected members of the regional parliament) the Valencian government will be increasing the annual budget by 34%. To lodge the extra 10 parliamentarians, the government is going to spend 6.8 million euros to acquire the sweet shop at the end of the street.

It isn’t clear if these noble politicians, who are obviously in need of greater leg-room to carry out their vital waffling, will also be keeping hold of the contents of the shop, so that they can toss us a few sweeteners around at election time, but if they do, I for one will be on the spot, shopping bags in hand, as the Casa de los Caramelos has been a child’s paradise for a great many years, and favoured destination of thousands of Valencian children in the days before video games put an end to the Sunday stroll.

The shop is a swirling kaleidoscope of colour with piles of different-flavoured sweets lining the walls. It works like a pick-n-mix, so you just go in and fill up to your heart’s content, trying to achieve a fine balance between aniseed, eucalyptus, liquorice, coffee, cappuccino, lime, lemon, cream cherry and just about everything else that will rot your teeth before you have time to pay.

Or at least that used to be the case; now they have introduced a politically-correct line of sugar-free flavours, which is probably why the politicians are shutting them down in an unholy alliance with the dentist guilds.

If you like to suck a huge lollipop with your cup of steaming Horlicks then look no further; freckly Judy garland look-alikes can lick along as they sing ‘somewhere over the rainbow’, as they have been doing since 1953 when the shop first opened. In fact I don’t think they’ve had a facelift since; the place still has a post-war feel about it….you expect to be hassled by a blue-shirted shoeblack at any moment and surrounded by short, fat men in sunglasses and raincoats, smoking disgusting cigars and shouting ‘Viva Franco’ as the Secret Police move in on you with truncheons bared.

Sorry, I got carried away. They’ve also introduced a series of herbal sweets with flavours such as rosemary, just to try to corner the adult market I suppose.

On a more tasteless note, they have in the shop window a miniature car with two passengers made of some foam-based sweet, which can be reproduced for your child’s birthday party, and they do packs of sweets to give away at birthday parties too. Tacky is not the name.

Casa de los Caramelos is in C/ Mur de Santa Anna 6; the pedestrian street that goes from the Plaza de la Virgen to the river.
 
CASA PICÓ

There is no easier way to a woman’s heart than through humour, and no better way to ensure the woman of one’s choice’s eternal love and gratitude than by waking her up in the early hours of the morning wearing a devil-beast mask. I’ve done this more times than I can count to my own wife and it never fails to surprise her.

Of course all other interesting activity in our bed dried up years ago, but that’s another story. At Casa Picó you can find all the ingredients you need to liven things up a bit, without great expense.

Their range of evil masks is truly terrifying and if that doesn’t do the trick, then they have tricks; all that stuff we put behind us years ago when we matured into sensible adults and now wonder what the point was.

They’ve got sneezing powder, rubber worms and other sundry fauna of the repulsive kind, breaking glass sheets, invisible ink, blood capsules, dirty soap and all the other japes and wheezes that, when popular among the staff, can turn an efficient, profitable company into a fun, bankrupt one.

The remote controlled farter device (full instructions in English) will no doubt have your friends rolling about in the aisles and put a stop to all those pretentious conversations about art and philosophy. They might on the other hand get you thrown out of churches, cinemas and off airplanes.

There are balloons in all shapes and sizes, some of them clean; and an inflatable skeleton that looks just unlike the real thing.

There is also a fake egg (with double yoke) that will keep you amused for absolutely ages if all your friends stop visiting.

Party time isn’t party time without a jolly disguise and they have all the old favourites here, from Robin Hood to fairies and bees and of course Spanish Flamenco singers with those tasteful polka dots.

They also have useful stuff like paper cups and plates with suitable designs of furry animals to help you forget that you are eating real animals, and confetti by the hundredweight to help you forget that you are deforesting the planet on a mere whim.

There’s plenty of stag party equipment too, so be careful when you take little Tommy inside to choose his bunting as he’s bound to ask, then beg, then scream belligerently until you agree to buy him the full-size plastic cleavage.

There are also fish-net stockings, although I don’t know what such an essential every day product is doing in a shop like this.

For the theatrically-inclined there is ample face paint, missing teeth and grey flesh paint for kidding the boss that you are feeling off-colour and might probably be better off at home watching the football.

Hats are easy to come by here, as are authentic British bobby helmets and truncheons, and of course false eyelashes and full Indian headdress are available in brown paper bags for those intimate post-party moments when the crowds have gone home; as are the bunny ears and sparklers.

If there’s nothing so far that appeals, don’t worry, you can just do what I do and hang around outside staring at the masks in the shop window, adjusting your position so that your body’s reflection is placed perfectly so that the masks seem to be your face.

I seem to have a lot more dead time lately.

Casa Picó was founded in 1889 and is located in Avenida baron de Carcer 38.

EL TALLER

There are times when you can’t get through the night without gazing contentedly at a severed head or a jar full of eyeballs. When this is the case, you need go no further then Valencia’s Santa Catalina Church…..well, just a bit further; twenty yards in fact to a corner shop called ‘El Taller’, where you can purchase both of these essential items and several others of a dramatic nature.

In fact, the shop run by Vicent and Fernando caters largely for people from the world of theatre, and they offer a complete service in make-up, costumes and sets for a wide range of people, whether they be theatre groups or shop owners looking to liven up their shop windows.

Coming from the world of the theatre themselves, Vicent and Fernando are well aware of the needs of their customers and offer them a complete package; as they point out, they don’t just sell the product, but train the user in its use. Perhaps this explains the name of their shop ‘El taller’ (the workshop).

They have collaborated with street theatre groups and also better known groups such as ‘Xarxa’. They have also provided services for different Fallas and supplied products for the town festivals of places such as Morella. They also cater for private groups wishing to organise ‘theme parties’.

The extravagant façade of this old building in Valencia’s medieval quarter testifies to the ‘special’ nature of this establishment and, once inside, you can pass a merry time trying on the large heads of the Simpsons, Star wars characters or a range of Disney figures.

Should your taste lean more towards the provocative, false breast are available, as are wigs and devil masks for the connoisseur.

A tasteful range of ‘skull’ products is also on show and comprises such essential items as ice buckets, trays and crucifixes, and of course the old brain in the jar favourite is still selling like hot cakes.

Wounds, burns and blood capsules are of course greatly in demand, and should you be planning to visit the Venice Carnival in the near or distant future, then you need look no further for your mask.

My own personal favourite was the Ladybird costume, but by that time I’d been preening myself and cooing so loudly that they threw me out.

Should you wish for similar treatment, just whiz along to C/ Sombrerería 8. Vicent assured me that they can deal with you in English should push come to shove. Also note that many of the items on show are available to rent, so you needn’t develop a single character too far!

HOBBIES EL FALLERO

This is the kind of shop for people who take their hobbies or childhoods very seriously indeed. This shop doesn’t just sell Action Men; from here you can take home Bengt Zillmer of the Pioneer Batallion 34, a mine detector of the German Army at the Orel Salient, 1943. Or “William”, an American POW from the NAM series who bears an uncanny resemblance to Bruce Willis.

If you prefer not to be haunted by these realistic dolls, you can always opt for any of the many sizes of Scalextric sets with all the must-have accessories such as excited spectators, working floodlights or plastic pine trees. Railway sets hang from the ceiling and a scale size collection of Formulae One racing helmets is available for the connoisseur.

They also sell a wide range of kites, dominoes, confetti and jigsaws, including various masterpieces from the National gallery.

There are in fact a lot of British products or at least products that transport us to a fantasy version of Britain, including the Diana English Country House and Doll’s House complements in the alleged styles of Oxford, London or Windsor.

For the more brutal among us there’s the “Terminator 2 Playset Bio-Flesh Regenerator. Mold and Destroy your own Terminator!”

Well, why not?

Hidden away among the economical offers is an outdated looking range of prehistoric models called “Bullyland”, including a Pterandon and a Homo sapiens. Spooky!

Other scale models include everybody’s favourite the Stuka JU 87-B dive bomber and a re-enactment of the siege of Orleans, although I couldn’t make out if they include a flammable Joan of Arc.

This is also one of the few places in Valencia where you can buy fireworks out of season, including the 25 euro, 50 metre “traca” for celebrating weddings and scaring the horses.

But my favourite is the section known as the ‘Landscape Centre’, where men in old raincoats can be found sniffing artificial flora with evocative names such as field grass, blended turf, fine leaf foliage, underbrush, ballast and clump foliage (I don’t know why I find that last one so tempting!

All of these are served up in convenient packets that can be slipped into your pocket and carried around inconspicuously, allowing you slip to your hand inside when the need arises and scrunch them greedily.

Calle Sueca 31. Telephone 96 3411996.

JAPON.ES

Drinking saki, one of my favourite forms of physical exercise, is no longer restricted to Asian restaurants requiring large meals and wildly excessive bills; you can now indulge in this inscrutable habit in the comfort of your own home and surround yourself with the appropriate paraphernalia.

In fact, you can dress up as a geisha should that be your heart’s desire, and gobble down succulent raw fish with any pair of a wide range of colourfully decorated chopsticks.

Japon.es is the answer to any would-be Samurai’s dream, and it’s up and running in central Valencia.

The shop doubles up as a coffee bar, where you can partake of ‘normal’ coffee, teas and beers, or consume or buy a wide range of Japanese beers and teas. And if tea is your thing, especially green tea, you can buy a tasteful wind-chime shaped like a tea pot, or even the real thing in porcelain, along with various oriental ceramic serving dishes to serve roasted seaweed upon. And of course they sell the seaweed too.

My favourite is the miniature sand and rock garden kit, no bigger than an average size tea tray and consisting of no more than some sand, rocks and miniature gardening implements; but full of Zen and guaranteed to get today’s stressed businessman chanting ‘Om’ to himself contentedly while the children squabble over the remote control.

There are in fact all kinds of kits to prepare and present food with, ranging from Japanese woks to sushi knives and boards and for a more modern touch there are tinned drinks such as guava, passion fruit or tamarind.

If dressing up is your thing there are several kimonos just waiting there for that wild moment of total surrender and those funny sandals, shaped like tennis rackets that you can only along with by shuffling your feet (so I’m told).

Noodles abound in all their versions, even pot noodles; and there’s an interesting freezer full of packets of brightly coloured blobs that would liven up any dinner party.

Japanese perfumes are available, and children’s toys. You can buy a toy samurai and then read a Spanish translation of ‘Hagakure’, the book of Samurai while sipping your barley tea.

Other books could help you to make origami dinosaurs, watercolour those typical Japanese pictures of vague shapes hovering in a vast expanse of nothingness, create your own Manga cartoons, or learn Japanese in ten days.

There is a large range of serving cups and I particularly liked the ones with a single word in both English and Japanese; words such as ‘victory’, ‘dream’ and ‘longevity’.

They also have OCS News, Spain’s own Japanese newspaper available to read at the bar, although I might get into trouble for mentioning such a fierce rival.

Garlic flavoured cracker nuts are on sale, although I suppose that’s pretty obvious, and there are all kinds of sauces and strange glutinous liquids oozing away on the shelves, some of which have instructions that are almost comprehensible on close inspection, although it’s probably more fun just to sling them on your whole roasted goat and take a chance.

Even if you only pop in for a coffee, it’s an interesting place, and the only bar I’ve found so far in Valencia where smoking is genuinely prohibited.

Japon.es is in Avenida Reino de Valencia 52.

KUKUXUMUSU

KUKUXUMUSU means “the kiss of the flea” in the Basque Language, which may not be a promising business plan to present to your bank manager but, since the mid-nineties, it’s done alright for a group of Basque friends.

Kukuxumusu started out in Pamplona during the San Fermin bull running festival of 1989, with the sole aim of making some beer money for the Fiesta and having some fun at the same time. They set about designing some T-shirts with funny drawings of the bull-running and selling them on the street because they felt the ones available at that time didn’t come up to much.
The idea took off in a big way so they decided to try out some more designs for the Fiestas in some of the neighbouring towns and, little by little, their fun idea started turning into a serious project,

Nowadays, Kukuxumusu is a small thriving business, dedicated to distinctive designs and drawings for different things such as T-shirts, postcards, ceramics, key holders, notebooks, copybooks, pens, bags, satchels, socks, tablecloths and umbrellas, among others.

And they’re not only in it for the money; KUKUXUMUSU has collaborated on many different projects with its drawings, such as mountaineering expeditions, ecology movements and cultural and social events.

You may also come across some special compilations that have been specially made for thematic parks, museums or leisure centres.

Since Walt Disney, nobody has really been able to convince the sensible public that animals are people too, but Kukuxumusu seem to more or less achieve just that. The designs are largely of cows and sheep that seem to live a Magic Roundabout kind of existence and, being Basques, do a lot of drinking and gallivanting. They also appear to have an unusually keen interest in udders which, like Egyptian paintings, appear to defy perspective.

Penguins dancing around puzzled polar bears and libidinous ladybirds also feature frequently, as do mosquitoes attempting a smash and grab attack on a hospital drip full of delicious blood (or so I imagine).

They also make pacifist statements with designs of a number of singularly ineffective weapons such as revolvers with twisted barrels.

Shops selling their products are not hard to come by, but in C/ Mur de Santa Anna (the occasionally pedestrian street that goes past the Valencian Parliament) there is a shop dedicated exclusively to these neo-rich-hippy products at number 1.

LA PITERA

The ten principles of fair trade are fair prices, reducing the chain of intermediaries, decent working conditions, non-discrimination, no child labour, long-term commercial relationships, early payment, investment in community welfare, respect for the environment and quality products.

La Pitera offers all this and some very tasteful wooden lamps in the shape of naked women carrying the shade on their heads, which may contradict some of the aforementioned principles but which keeps me amused and on the switch at night.

The shop, tucked away on the corner of a nice square, next door to a vegetarian restaurant (no connection) and with a kiddies’ playground in front, has an ethnic feel with clothes and jewellery, candles and musical instruments, stationery and foodstuffs such as honey, chocolate and crisps, and of course a small mountain of self-help books for people who need a serious amount of help. My favourite is the Shiatsu Therapy; if I ever meet a Shiatsu I’ll be able to tell him (or her) where to go.

And of course they sell vegan dog food for radical dogs.

There are some nice touches like the original stone sink that they’ve left on the wall and a little corner where you can sit and sample the teas and coffees that they sell.

La Pitera recently branched out into catering and offer “biological” food (I didn’t know there was any other kind) to companies and groups who want to entertain without destroying the delicate balance of this tiny planet that we inhabit in this wide, endless universe where we are just a speck of nothingness centrifugalling down the plughole of meaninglessness……pass the self-help books, quick!

La Pitera (it’s not in my dictionary; anybody know what it means?) is in Plaza de Vannes 8, just off Gran Via Fernando Católico.

MENFIS

I don’t know if it’s supposed to be a reference to Memphis, Tennessee or what, but there’s one thing that’s certain; whether you like cats or hate them, this is the place for you.

It’s one of those shops that you could spend a fortune in, giving your house a lot of character, but without actually buying anything that you would actually want to use, actually. And there’s loads of stuff with a feline theme.

If you hate cats, you can buy a cat mat; one that is used for wiping your feet on. In this way, the image of a smiling cat will disappear with time and you can get your revenge for all the cats who’ve ever sharpened their claws or wiped their feet on you. And don’t give me all that tosh about “they don’t mean to hurt you; it’s just their way of showing trust”. They know exactly what they are doing and where it hurts most.

As for cat lovers, you can buy your very own oversized statues of elongated Modigliani cats to stand in a corner and stare at you and, if they require company, large, colourful lizards and snakes to decorate the wall and gobble up all those dated flying ducks.

They have loads of old-fashioned tin toys, including Pinocchio, a table tennis duet, World War One airplanes and, my favourite beyond doubt, a key-wound Canadian Mountie with a lasso.

For cinema fans and people who like to strip to the waist and smother themselves in olive oil and/or sweat, there’s one of those dinner gongs from the Rank organisation.

The rotating lamp with the Indian wigwam design is really classy, as are the bathroom scales shaped (imaginatively) like a large foot.

Let’s face it, places like this are priceless; who cares if half the world is starving as long as we can still wade in bank notes and buy ourselves a statue of three pigs mounted one upon the other or skipping ropes with Dalmatian dog patterns on the handles in four different, but equally garish, colours.

They also sell large shoe horns, which is something you don’t see every day, as well as African masks, wickerwork wine-racks and a miniature old world kitchen stove.

So, pop along to C/ Musico Peydró, 9 and cast off your inhibitions.

MIMBRE’S

Another Spanish shop overdosing on unnecessary apostrophes. “Mimbre” means ‘wicker’, so logically, the name of the shop should have us asking ‘Wicker’s what? Wicker’s World perhaps?’

In fact the street where this shop is situated is known among Valencians as ‘the wicker street’; “la calle del mimbre” because there was a time when there was hardly any other kind of shop here.

In fact many Valencian street names refer to a specific trade or shop, indicating that there was a time when each commercial street would specialise in one kind of product. But that’s another story.

Now there are three or four of these shops remaining and they are diversifying away from traditional wickerwork into other areas, but they continue to spill their wares out onto the pavement in this pleasant pedestrian street.

Today you’ll find rocking horses, as well as rocking giraffes for the politically correct among us, and large thick bamboo trunks which would appear to be umbrella stands. There are also many hat-racks for those merry few who still wear such things even though they are not pop stars.

Hampers abound (sounds like a novel by C.S.Lewis) and contain everything you ever wanted to take on a picnic with you but usually managed to forget; and there are all sorts of baskets and trunks for chopping up the bodies of your neighbours in.

Moving away from wicker, there are tapestries and hammocks and stuff to dangle decoratively in front of your back door to keep out the flies, like what our grandparents used to do before chemical death in a handy spray can became the rage.

There’s a basement full of carpets and upstairs there’s furniture that will make your cleaning lady go spare with her feather duster. There are also mirrors with a wide range of frames.

Christmas decorations fill the shop window, although probably only because it’s that time of year, i.e. November, and they are mostly made of unusual materials that don’t seem to be plastic or to be made in typical Christmasy countries like China or Indonesia.

They also sell children’s toys although they might be collectors’ pieces because most of the kids I know would rather be dead than be seen playing with such uncool stuff in such garish colours. Stuff like sailors with springs for necks!

They will also transform a photograph into a canvas portrait, which seems to go against hundreds of years of technological advancement, but why not?

Mimbre’s is in C/ Músico Peydró 27.

INTERMÓN OXFAM

There are still a few people who don’t know that Oxfam got its name because it was set up by students at OXford University to fight against FAMine. Since those early days it has become a massive, world-wide organisation, with 33 shops in Spain alone.

The shop in Valencia is very different from the old Oxfam shops in Britain, and Patricia, the only employee among a sturdy group of volunteers, informed me that she still occasionally gets a visit from well-meaning British ladies loaded down with second-hand fur coats.

What you’ll find in the Oxfam shop are basically Third World products produced under the aegis of the Fair Trade organisation, ensuring that the producers get a fair price and work in reasonable conditions.

You won’t find any Nike products here, but foodstuffs such as coffee, tea, pasta, crisps, mustard, spices, and of course banana-flavoured beer; all more expensive than in other places, but guilt-free.

If guilt is not your thing you could try a bottle of South African champagne in a Bangladesh cooler jacket.

Most of the shop contains gifts that you’d be unlikely to find elsewhere; an egg made of sunflower seeds was a definite favourite of mine, ladybird shoulder bags and of course the pencils that seem to be whole branches from a tree shot through with lead.

It’s also one of the few places I know where you can buy a Panama hat and do a reasonable impersonation of John Le Carré without being thrown out, or merely scorned.

The aims of Oxfam are not unambitious: “to remove 900 million peasants from poverty”. That being the case, I expect to see all of you down at C/ Marqués de Dos Aguas, 5, wallet in hand and without fur coats; otherwise there’s going to be trouble!

PECES DE CIUDAD

If you’d like to see the only authentic glass-blower in Valencia, then this is the place to go.

The Sorribes family have been making glassware products in the traditional way for three generations and last year set up a shop as a showcase for their work, and for that of other artisans.

In an economic climate where cheap, imported, shabby products are sold by large department stores, and where the profits remain in the hands of the middle man, the number of artisans who can make a decent living is declining rapidly. As Carolina Sorribes pointed out to CB News Costa Levante, the ceramic artisans of Manises and glass artisans of L’Olleria have all but disappeared.

And yet the Sorribes family battles on, having diversified into laboratory accessories such as test tubes and having spent five years participating in the Medieval fairs that have become a common sight in villages all over the Valencian Community.

The Sorribes family are all self-taught and through their workshop and shop are attempting to promote the idea of quality products created in collaboration with their customers; so if you want a mirror to go with the ceramic tiles in your bathroom, or a glass ashtray incorporating the colour or design of your company logo, then they can help you.

They are frequently called upon for ‘special’ jobs, such as a collaboration with Valencia’s cancer hospital (IVO) to design a way of keeping an animal heart alive outside of its body, or a stained glass representation of a the stations of the cross for a local convent.

They also collaborate with the Fine Arts department of Valencia Polytechnic, helping students to work on projects involving the creation or restoration of glassware.

In the shop you can engage them in a project of your own, or simply buy one of their artisan picture frames or clocks or candle holders or table lighters or glass and metal lizards or fish to put on your wall or stand on your desk.

Sisters Sara and Carolina run the workshop and shop, while their father blows away in a studio inside the shop.

Peces de Ciudad is in Calle Visitación 30 B. Telephone 96 3269696.

POPLAND

If you liked Austin Powers then you’ll love ‘Popland’. Walking into the shop is like walking into ‘The Avengers’ or ‘Adam Adamant’. This is a place where the word ‘kitsch’ does not exist, where colour is king and outrageous is ordinary.

You can get your Sigmund Freud or Jesus Christ action figure, a Willy Exerciser or even a nun with a ruler and a mean look waiting to transport you to fetish heaven.

If your tastes are a little bit more serious, they have the whole range of ‘Little Prince’ toys and necessary accessories, or just about everything that demented adolescents couldn’t live without at the height of Beatle mania.

The Sixties are back, and so is adulation of classics such as the Volkswagen Beetle, kaleidoscopes, garish wind chimes and the inevitable Mao Tse Tung bust.

Models of timeless heroes such as Laurel and Hardy, Bogart, Frankenstein or Chaplin are there to take pride of place on your desk and win you a few cult kudos, and if you want to be more up to date, then Harry Potter gets a look in too.

Old Trannies, badges, metal lunch boxes and cinema posters compete with clocks bearing images such as ‘Dirty Harry’ and his trusty Magnum. “You feeling lucky Punk?”

There’s furniture that looks like it was borrowed from a Bond movie (Connery of course). There are clothes too, including a (wait for it) Ready Steady Go T-shirt.

And of course no red-bloodied male bondage fantasy is complete without at least a half dozen wistful photos of Audrey Hepburn waiting round the bend.

Popland only have two shops; one in Madrid and this one in Valencia’s central Calle Moratín, 5. Telephone 96 3942776.

Special discounts if you dance the Twist.

NESPRESSO

Like the vast majority of people living in Spain, I can’t get through the day without various injections of pure caffeine, shot straight into the veins via the stomach in a perfectly legal drug trafficking ghetto known as a ‘Bar’. Although I don’t know if I’d use the words ‘philosophy’ and ‘coffee’ in the same sentence, Nespresso do. They claim to have a philosophy which is summed up as “the unique Nespresso trilogy: the hermetically-sealed, iconic capsules with the large variety of Grand Cru ground coffees, the state-of-the-art, easy-to-use, sleek-looking coffee machines, and the Nespresso Club”. Did George Lucas write that?

The inventor of the espresso machine was apparently one Luiggi Bezzera, and as coffee becomes an increasingly designer-orientated product, Nespresso was launched by the Nestlé Company to take the trend to its lucrative extreme. They claim that the Nespresso system uses a “technically advanced espresso machine with pre-measured ground coffee capsules that protect more than 900 coffee aromas from the damaging effects of light, air and moisture”. Wow!

They offer the punter “fourteen, exclusive premium quality coffees of varying flavour profiles and body”.

Twelve Nespresso varieties are available all year-round; the nine Espresso varieties: Ristretto, Arpeggio, Roma, Capriccio, Livanto, Cosi, Volluto, Decaffeinato Intenso and Decaffeinato as well as the three Lungo varieties: Vivalto, Finezzo and Decaffeinato Lungo, all of which are guaranteed for up to 12 months.

In addition, two rare coffee varieties are offered to customers for limited periods every year.

The Nespresso machines are no mere kettles, but have “cutting-edge (damn! I was hoping for state-of-the-art), stylish design with the highest degree of functionality”.

 The Nespresso extraction system “operates only once the ideal water pressure of 11 to 15 bars is reached inside the capsule. Then the capsule is perforated at several points by the exclusive, built-in opening and filtration system. A jet of instantly heated fresh water penetrates the capsule and flows through all of the ground coffee at once”. It makes you almost embarrassed to ever contemplate pouring boiling water onto instant granules ever again!

“A good espresso must also be prepared at a precisely calibrated temperature. Too hot and the coffee will burn, too low and the coffee aromas will not be optimally extracted. Accordingly, Nespresso machines feature a thermo-block: a high precision system controlled by a thermostat to regulate the water temperature”.

If the caffeine doesn’t wake you up, reading the manual certainly will!

“This element ensures that the water is brought to an ideal temperature (86° - 91°), guaranteeing the espresso’s taste”.

 For those who prefer their coffee with milk, Nespresso machines have a special steam nozzle for steam frothing. Now that’s more like it; even I can understand that.

There are even special tulip-shaped cups to allow the coffee’s aromas to be fully appreciated.

Nespresso Clubs guarantee delivery within 48 hours of coffee and accessories ordered via mail, the Internet or by toll-free telephone and fax numbers.

Anyone purchasing a Nespresso system machine automatically becomes a member of the Nespresso Club, which has over 1.6 million club members.

If you want to check this out for yourself, you can take a peek in their snazzy new shop in Calle Colon, 13.

SENDRA

Why is it I can never find my knee-length python-skin boots when I really need them? Every time they play Nancy Sinatra’s “These boots were made for walking” I just feel the adrenalin flow and I know that I must hit the street and party with the boys.

Fortunately for me and for those who share my proclivity (if that’s the right word) for the authentic feel of leather against naked skin, there is a shop that caters to our whim these days. In fact there are several, but this one’s legal.

I refer of course to SENDRA, the boot capital of the world where, not only can you revel in python skin, but you can also take your pick from crocodile, ostrich or even Manta Ray!

Of course there are other products, although they tend to quiver at the back of the shop in awe as the boot boys stomp their way up the walls.

The hats cowboy hats are from Mexico, although they are not what we would call sombreros, but the belts, like the boots are made by Sendra themselves at their factory in Almansa, Castilla La Mancha.

This of course explains why you rarely see any of these exotic animals running around wild in La Mancha these days; not that Manta Rays run much anyway.

Sendra have two shops in Valencia and one in Gandia, but if you take your custom to C/ Sueca 15 in Valencia you will be served by Sandra, and will, like me, be able to make extremely unfunny comments about Sandra from Sendra until she gets really narked and boots you out. The other shop is in C/ Hernandez Cortés 2.

Don’t miss the opportunity to try something on in the boot-shaped mirror; it gives you a whole new way to look at yourself.

TRENES KITS ALTARRIBA

            Jorge Altarriba is a realist and knows that in a world of increasing hypermarkets and shopping centres dominated by multi-national giants, the little shop must specialise or die.

The Altarriba family shop is really the group of shops on the same block; one specialising in mountaineering equipment, another in adventure sports, and the one that interested me, a shop dedicated to model making.

Perhaps my generation will be the last in which most children made model planes and other vehicles. With today’s obsession with video games children can now wipe out their cyber enemies in seconds, they don’t have to glue the bits and pieces together for hours first.

And yet there is still a fairly stable market for these products, most of which are imported from Northern Europe, and particularly Germany. In fact Jorge’s customers come from as far away as Murcia, Alicante and Teruel to buy material from his shop, and some even come here on holiday from other countries and take advantage of their stay to stock up on a scale model Triumph TR6 or terrifying knee-high version of Ermanarich the Goth.

In fact many of his customers live on the Costa Blanca, a place where Jorge and his family (it was his great grandfather who founded the business more than a hundred years ago) spend most weekends and holidays, owning as they do a house on the Montañar housing estate near Javea, and they will often be found down there in one of their favourite restaurants Los Remos.

The centrepiece of the shop is a large model of Nelson’s Victory, a model with a story which Jorge showed me in the form of a newspaper cutting. In May 2000, after 2,226 hours of work, Mario Cusidó, who at that time was 76 years old, finished the model which now stands proudly in its own glass case in the shop with its splendid sales and 50 cannon. (The kit is available at a mere 540 euros if you have a few years to spare).

Many of the train models are made by the famous British firm Hornby and, pride of place is a steam train retailing at 750€. Hornby’s apparently bought out the Spanish model train company Electrotrain, although they maintained the brand name.

Trainspotting is it seems alive and well in Valencia and members of an organisation called “Amigos Del Ferrocarril de Valencia” are entitled to a 10% discount in the shop.

British model enthusiasts who visit the shop will have no trouble finding the Spanish words for ‘glue’ or ‘where do I stick this bit?’ as Jorge speaks excellent English and has the Cambridge University First Certificate diploma.

Jorge, an economist by profession, laments that children today prefer the easy option of screen-based toys to the patience and dedication needed for the kinds of toys he sells for young and older people, which require creativity and imagination.

Trenes-Kits Altarriba, which also sells jigsaws, model paints and tin soldiers (mostly French, enough said!) can be found in Calle Mar 24, telephone 96 3923024. A web-site is under construction.